Look at me, actually sticking to a schedule for once and posting when I said I was going to! It’s a March miracle!
So, I didn’t really have a topic in mind until I woke up late (we’re talking in the afternoon here people) for the third time this week. I’ve been doing really well recently with going to bed and getting up and doing what I’m supposed to be doing, but during reading week last week I really started to slide. My sleeping pattern is completely messed up, I can’t wake up on time, which means that I go to sleep late… I’m slipping back into the mindset I used to have as a child, that I can’t go to sleep because I’ll miss something, but because of that, I actually am missing things! It’s very frustrating.
I could blame everything on my mum, because I never had to get myself out of bed growing up, but there are plenty of people who never had to do that and are still perfectly functional now as adults. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself, but it’s getting to the point now where I’ve got to do something, and if yelling at myself is what’s going to work, that’s what’s going to work. It’s not working so far, but you know…
I’m not depressed again. I know that. I don’t feel sad or even low. In fact when I’m awake, apart from being supremely annoyed at myself for oversleeping yet again, I’m actually the happiest I’ve been in a while. I love my course, my friends are great, but for some reason, I seem desperate to ignore all of it.
I don’t really know what I expect to get out of writing this post. To be honest it was just a way to fulfil a promise. I think what I do need, more than anything, is more of a routine. But do you have any idea how hard it is to impose a routine on yourself? I’m not used to forcing myself out of bed, and there are no real, immediate consequences if I don’t any more. It’s just occurred to me though, that my real problem at the moment isn’t really getting out of bed; it’s going to sleep. So I suppose I’m wondering why that is? What do I think I’ll miss out on by not being awake the entire night? Am I scared of something? Is that why I can’t sleep? I don’t really know, and I don’t expect you to, either. I’m really just rambling and ruminating.
I can say that I’m really looking forward to being at home and having a fixed routine. I’ll hopefully have a full-time job for the whole time I’m there, and that should sort me out into getting up on time and going to bed at a reasonable hour. I won’t have a choice but to do that.
As I say, I’m really just rambling and I don’t expect any answers, but if anyone has any ideas about how I can do better at going to sleep they would be much appreciated! I am slowly pulling my sleeping time back earlier and earlier, an hour at a time, but I need a quick fix really, I’ve got to get back into the rhythm of uni work, otherwise I risk jeopardising my entire degree, which I really, really don’t want to do!
Okay, I’m stopping now 😀 I hope this hasn’t been too depressing and heavy, it was just something I wanted to write down and put out there, so thanks for reading if you have!
Keep an eye out on Friday for my next post on Cassandra Clare’s Infernal Devices with accompanying YouTube video!
’til next time, readers!